As we begin this sometimes-daunting task of simply starting a gospel conversation or at least plan to start a gospel-oriented conversation there are some eternal truths you need to remember. You are talking to a child of God. Everyone was born with the light of Christ within their very souls. Everyone has a “soft spot” in his or her heart for tender truths that enlighten the soul. We just have to find that spot. They need to be awakened. Love will awaken and motivate everyone. Just be friendly and pray for missionary moments anytime, anywhere and with everyone. When our love for our fellowmen is expressed the power of God will descend into their soul.
True Love Is Required To Feed The Lords Sheep
We have been counseled “…to love God with all your might, mind, and strength, then is His grace sufficient for you, that by His grace ye may be perfect in Christ” (Mor. 10:32). The Lord has told us that if we love Him, we will feed His sheep. In order to do this we must have true and perfect love. We have great leaders today who not only share with us their wisdom, but also give their time and love.
What is required to love God in that way?
While serving as president of the England London South Mission (1985-88) we had the privilege of having Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve come and give a fireside. Two miracles occurred during that visit. First that his plane was able to land, and second, his magnificent teaching to my sweetheart and me concerning the motivation and power of love.
We were to pick up Elder Nelson at the Heathrow airport in London. We arrived early and were excited and anxious to have him come and be with us and teach the saints in England. As it came time for his plane to land an announcement came over the loud speakers, “Flight such and such has been diverted to an airport north of London due to traffic and fuel issues.”
I quickly went to the desk and said, “ Where is this airport?”
The mileage was totally out of range to pick him up and make it to the fireside. I was sick. Over 2000 saints would be at the Crawley Stake Centre for the fireside. I prayed. I went and pleaded with the clerk at the desk. He smiled and said he was sorry.
I said, “There is an apostle of the Lord on that plane and he needs to be in Crawley to speak.
Again, “I am sorry,” was his only response. I pleaded with the Lord to intervene somehow. It was now getting to be an hour before the fireside.
I went to the clerk and said, “Why don’t they land at Gatwick.” Gatwick was only a few minutes from the Crawley Stake Centre. He reminded me that he was merely relaying the messaged from the air controller to the people at Heathrow. Within a minute or so an announcement of Elder Nelson’s flight was made that the plane had again been diverted and this time to the Gatwick airport. I couldn’t believe it. A miracle. I called the Stake Center and told them to send a car to Gatwick to pick up Elder Nelson ASAP. Meanwhile I drove on the edge of the M-25 from Heathrow to the Crawley exit. I hurried to the Stake Centre and pulled in the little driveway. The car with Elder Nelson pulled in behind us. I jumped out with my sweetheart and opened his door. He smiled and asked if we had waited long? I smiled and said everything was fine. The fireside started a few minutes late, but we were all relieved and thankful for his safe arrival, and we were spiritually fed.
As we drove home after the fireside to our house in Cobham, I related the story to Elder Nelson. He had been calm and full of faith merely asking the Lord to get him down so he could deliver the message the Lord wanted us to hear. Then he said, “ When we touched down at Gatwick for fuel I went to the Flight Attendant and mentioned that I had to deplane here. They said I couldn’t.”
He said, “ You don’t understand I have to get off here.” They then checked with the Captain who said,, “We cannot open the baggage area to get your bags, you have to stay on the plane. “
Elder Nelson said, “I have no bags, simply my carry-on.” The pilot shrugged and told the crew to let him off. Elder Nelson walked in to the terminal and the car was waiting. There were miracles at every turn so the Lord’s servant could bless our lives.
When we got home he was invigorated and due the time change, not tired at all. He suggested we have scripture time. We sat around the table with finger food and treats, searching the scriptures for a couple of hours. One of the things he taught us that night pertained directly to missionary work.
He said, “Peter was asked if he loved the Lord.” The conversation between the Savior and Peter is recorded in John 21:15-17. “So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.”
Going on Elder Nelson asked, “Why would the Lord ask Peter three times? In the Greek the word love as a verb has three forms, that of agapao which is the perfect love of God, phileo which is brotherly or reciprocating love and erao which is physical love. When the Lord would express love in the form of agapao Peter would answer with phileo which is not enough love to truly feed the Lord’s sheep so the Lord asks again, and finally the third time the Lord used the phileo and Peter was grieved because of being asked three times. This teaches us a great principle about loving. Our love must be complete, perfect, and unconditional for all mankind for that is the way the Lord’s disciples are known (see John 13:34-35). Indeed we must have charity—the pure love of Christ, which never fails. We show our love to the Lord by loving and serving everyone (see Matt. 25:40). We show our love by keeping the commandments (see John 14:15).”
Elder Nelson taught so clearly that the love necessary to feed His sheep is a Godlike love else it will not be strong enough or give us enough of a motive to care for our fellowmen.
The prophet Joseph taught, “Love is one of the chief characteristics of Deity, and ought to be manifested by those who aspire to be the sons of God. A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race” (Teachings, p. 174). This is why truly converted souls filled with the love of God are anxious and eager to share the gospel.
Nephi indicates how the covenant people of the Lord are empowered: “And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the power of the Lamb of God, that it descended upon the saints of the church of the Lamb, and upon the covenant people of the Lord, who were scattered upon all the face of the earth; and they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory” (1 Nephi 14:14). Having said all these things we begin to see that as our love increases we will be member missionaries—who invite people to come unto Christ.
Express Love to Those You Share the Gospel With
Listen to the words of the Lord as He has counseled us concerning sharing the gospel.
“And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work” (D&C 4:5). As we start to feed the Lord’s sheep at whatever moment in life we meet, our first purpose is to help them feel the love of God, our Savior Jesus Christ and the blessings of the Holy Ghost in their lives. We can only do that if we love the Lord and them with a complete and total love. This is true on initial contacts without any previous relationship or with dear friends we have finally had the courage to share our most precious gift. This may sound paradoxical because they all need to be taught, but there is a hierarchy of order on things that matter most so they will be ready to be taught. They need to know that God is their Father and He loves them. This takes time. Sometimes it may be weeks and months working with someone. Sometimes it can be instant as the Holy Spirit inspires you to express that love. Simply express how much you know Heavenly Father loves them and that you care about them.
A “rescuing moment” is just as important as an “inviting moment.” I was getting my car fixed and the manager came out and looked at me with a less than happy face. I remarked that I had heard he did a great job painting cars. He smiled a little and then I mentioned what a great day it would be. He raised his head and said, “Not for me.” I asked what had happened. He responded by saying, “When I woke up this morning my wife announced to me that she was leaving me because she was tired of waiting for me to fully embrace the gospel in my life.” We talked about the Church and being happy and how he loved his wife very much. Then the Spirit spoke for me, “Do you want to happy?” “Of course,” was his response. I asked when he could speak with his wife again and he said she would be home around 3 PM. I continued and said that at 3 PM he was to call her and tell he loved her and invite to come to Church with him on Sunday. A little smile came to his face and a whispered, “OK.” I then told him I would call him a little after 3 to see how it went. Giving him a little extra time I called him at 4 PM. Calling by name and he recognizing my voice he said, “Your late.” I smiled and chuckled and he proceeded to tell me of the joyous happening and how she cried and was excited for Sunday. I called a few weeks later and things were still going OK.
Unfortunately things turned for the worst and the marriage ended. My heart was tender at the time and I was downhearted and then I remembered. I did my best and that is all the Lord wants us to do. Another time I had a neighbor and worked with him as did all the neighbors and things were really looking good and then the dreaded answer. “Thank you for coming, but don’t teach me any more discussions.” All the lord expects is for us to do our best so try we must. You will find as you visit with people that when you care about what they care about, they will feel that you care about them. This does not mean we are a phony person, but rather a caring person who cares about others feelings. It does not require us to embrace them or change our own likes and dislikes, but rather to simply appreciate their needs, likes and be interested in them.
Some situations are so tender we worry about our friendship following a gospel conversation. Being their true friend is important to us regardless of the acceptance of an invitation or not! Simply say it is okay if you choose to not participate in any activity, it does not affect our friendship so that no offense could be taken. I have a dear friend I coached in Pony League baseball sixty years ago. He has never accepted my invitations, and we are still good and dear friends. Every time we meet, we have a great visit and express our love for each other.
Some conversations come naturally and your friends simply ask the right questions, sometimes we need to lead them along. How do you know when and what to say? Open your mouth and it will be filled! Trust me it works. Walk in faith and it will happen to you.
Building Relationships of Trust
Building relationships of trust is not about the length of time is about the level of trust you can establish. As you converse with others it’s important to remember the following principles that can build relationships of trust and friendship:
Get Acquainted—Through casual conversation we learn to get acquainted as well as deepen our relationship with friends. We get to know each other.
Share information about yourself and seek information from them. Work, interests, hobbies, hometown, etc. Perhaps you both love to read, or have always wanted to learn to fly a plane. Maybe one of you can do something the other has always longed to learn to do. This leads us to our second point.
Build your relationship on common interests, beliefs and concerns.
When we love a person enough, we’ll communicate according to their needs or interests. Build on their needs and interests not what we want to talk about. Let me give you an example. I taught seminary for three years before I would go to my dental office to work. I was teaching the New Testament, and I always had my students fill out a little form with their likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. A young man in one of these classes always sat off to the side. Now, I wanted him to know that someone loved him, and that he felt enough of a connection to me that he’d be willing to listen to what I taught him about the gospel.
“How are you doing, Mike?” I always asked.
The reply was always the same: “Okay, I guess.”
Mike was simply shy. I decided I had better review his information sheet. I wondered what he really liked. (1) Favorite class in school? “None.” (2) Favorite book? “None.” (3) Favorite hobbies? “None.” (4) Favorite TV show? “Hogan’s Heroes.” OK, here was something we each liked, Hogan’s Heroes.
That night I remembered to watch Hogan’s Heroes. The next day Mike came into class and sat down. “Hey, Mike, what did you think of old Shultz?” I asked. “Was that a crackup last night or what?”
“Oh, Brother Ed, you mean you watch Hogan’s Heroes?” he replied. “Hey, Brother Ed, you’re okay. You like what I like.”
From that simple beginning became an enduring friendship. We reviewed Hogan’s Heroes on a regular basis, and when it came time for Mike to leave on his mission he invited me to speak at his farewell. Our friendship was strong and we truly cared for each other. We had a relationship of trust that began on having such a simple thing as a common interest in a TV show.
Seek to understand their feelings—Show that you have compassion for them.
When we have like feelings about our beliefs it is reassuring and strengthening to our relationship. People resonate to one another when they have common beliefs that they embrace.
Share with them how you have had similar feelings as appropriate. Then you can build upon common ground to strengthen your relationship.
Seek to understand their needs and supply answers when appropriate.
Empathy is a great quality that assists you in not only understanding their perception but the “why” they think the way they do. Sometimes we expect our friends and those we teach to know more than they do. We must be gentle and meek and mild in our friendship and in our expectations. Try to always put yourself in their shoes and you will be better able to fulfill their needs.
Listen with attentiveness.
Nothing is more empowering then when you ask a question with real intent and then listen because it really matters. At times listening can be more important than even asking. When we truly listen, we show people that they are important, that what they said matters. We may not always agree with it, but there will be a level of respect when they see that we are listening with an open heart and mind.
In our conversations people really can feel our motives. Sometimes they are so suspicious that the Spirit is hard to perceive and receive during our conversations. Just be you. Just be your normal natural you. Remember that people you visit with have a yearning for closeness with Deity. It may not be said or even discussed but research has shown that people want to know God regardless of their present understanding as to His attributes and qualities. They often can see this relationship with God in others and they want that same feeling. They seek happiness. Everyone wants to feel good. We just need to help them understand real happiness and joy (see 4 Nephi 1:15-16). Surely this was the reason for the Church film, Man’s Search for Happiness. To have happiness people often search for direction in their lives. People need a purpose that will act as a compass for their lives. The gospel of Jesus Christ can provide that for them. In your normal conversations they may bring up sensitive issues so be prepared and when in doubt just mention that you will check that and get back to them with an answer. Many of the tough questions are on LDS.org or Mormon.org. Every question they have is a great question to have to continue in a gospel inspired conversation.
Questions That Can Promote And Enhance Gospel Discussions
Even as we prepare to ask some questions it is ideal for them to ask questions then your answers will continue along a gospel-oriented conversation. Their questions spring from a need or interest that can be explored. Many people retort to someone when they ask a question with another question, “That is really a great question. What made you think of that or why do you ask.” This will lead you into great conversations about their needs and the gospel.
As you visit with acquaintances, friends, or anyone for the first time you might consider some questions you can be prepared to insert when the Spirit directs you to do so. This is simply to help you to be better prepared. These were originally geared to missionaries on the street, but I have used them in normal conversations. You will be inspired to use whatever is appropriate. Trust in the Lord. We do as Nephi taught, “For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do” (2 Nephi 32:5 emphasis added). And you will, “lift up your voices unto this people; speak the thoughts that I shall put into your hearts, and you shall not be confounded before men; For it shall be given you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say” (D&C 100:5-6).
Each question below is pointed and usually can lead to a gospel discussion. When they give you a positive answer you can transition the appropriate gospel discussion. The time and place that you weave these questions into your conversation is totally up to the Holy Spirit. You may never use any of them. The value of them is that they direct the conversation to a gospel-oriented topic and hopefully to invitations to a gospel-oriented activity as noted below.
The Purpose of Life–The situation will dictate naturally the speed by which you begin your gospel-oriented discussion. It was evident as I was introduced to a new friend in our neighborhood that he had had a lot to do with the Church even though he wasn’t a member. It wasn’t long after we had met when I said something like, “Do you think Heavenly Father has a plan for you?” He replied, “I sure hope so.” And with that the journey began. We became dear friends, and he knew I truly cared about him. The rest was sheer joy.
The importance of Families—Following a conversation with a friend or co-worker you learn of their concern for a family matter. You simply share an Ensign article that covers their concern. This opens the door for more extensive discussions concerning the family. One great way to is to invite the family over for dinner. Having accepted an invitation to come for a dinner with your family, a natural conversation about families is likely to occur. “It is great to be together with our families today. We have these little family home evenings every week. They help us stay close and connected.” As they respond with a positive comment, you surely can agree and then talking of how the Church helps your family, and how grateful you are for it, and how it brings solidarity to your home. Testify the truths rather than preach. Let them lead out in questions when possible. They may ask how do you decide on what lesson to teach? How do you schedule it? The door is open; you can discuss all the online helps from lds.org, the scriptures, and church magazines. The online help is amazing, and with your mobile device you can log on and allow them to be amazed as well. Then you bear your testimony of how wonderful the Church is to help you raise your children in such troubling times. Your love will strengthen their family.
Our Savior Jesus Christ—As the day’s work came to a close you walked over to Bill and mentioned when you were in his office you noticed the picture of the Savior on his desk. Ask him about it. You are seeking his understanding concerning our Beloved Savior. From this opening line of your conversation a discussion can occur about our Savior. “How do you feel about Jesus Christ? Some people are nervous about being politically correct. The few have made it difficult for the majority. A positive comment tells you a lot about a person. Praise him for displaying the Savior’s picture. Testify with a gentle testimony of your love for your Savior, and how He is a great strength to you. The conversations will run their own course. Don’t force them to keep on the subject. This topic could be in a casual conversation as you are telling your friend how you had this hard day and were struggling and so you went and said a little prayer and you felt inspired and strengthened by your Savior. He smiles. He understands. The invite is simple. Our family has home evening where we talk about our Savior. We would love to have your family come…”
The Need for Prophets—You take an article to work given by our prophet on a sensitive issue and you say, “Wow is this great, Bill?” Share it with him. Later, as you discuss the article, and if there are any positive responses, the door has been opened. “If there were a prophet today would you follow him?” You are beginning to see the answers are simply natural expressions to their response. The more you do it the better you become in your conversational skills. When a yes is given you should be ecstatic with joy. You might say something like, “I can tell you are God fearing person. You have a good heart.” Testify about our living prophet. Never be dogmatic but respond with meekness, tenderness, and gratitude. When the time is right the invitation is forth coming to learn about living prophets. If not accepted, you have had success in sharing the words of a living prophet. Whenever anything at work is in a problem-solving mode your reply could be. “I have read an article, which may help us in our solution.” Onward and upward we will go.
The Value of the Scriptures—Take your copy of The Book of Mormon to work and read a strong passage to one of your cohorts. “What do you think of that?” They will respond and you may just happen to know that he or she is a Christian. Then you say, “If you knew there was another scripture written concerning Jesus Christ would you read it?” A yes answer is wonderful. This question is the great opening for you to bear your testimony of the truthfulness of The Book of Mormon. You can, if inspired, give them a copy. Your very activity of the day will lend itself to opening your mouth and sharing some gospel truth without being offensive. This is who you are.
Perhaps you have already prepared your friend, co-worker, etc.… to hear the gospel. If that is the case your questions can be more straightforward. You would phrase them in your own words and in your own way at the right time seeking the appropriate time to “invite” them to participate in an activity or simply to read a scriptural passage.
Do you believe God has prophets today just like in Old Testament times?
Sometimes this type of question is too direct. You could begin by asking how they feel about prophets. You could even reference a statement made from the Bible that pertains to life and ask them how they feel about it and then remind them it came from a prophet.
- “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)
- “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)
- “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer.” (Rom. 12:12)
- “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Phil. 4:13)
Never jump into a cold question unless the Holy Spirit dictates. This question is one that can occur after previous gospel discussions. When they respond positively so can you. Wonderful! You feel the same way as we do. It makes sense that Heavenly Father loves all of His children regardless when they are born here upon the earth. There were prophets in Old Testament times so surely Heavenly Father would have prophets today (see Amos 3:7). You can share with them about the prophets of our time. Invite them to read the home teaching message in The Ensign. Invite them to listen to a session of general conference. Perhaps a holiday or birthday is coming up and you can give them a copy of one of the many great church books our prophets have written. Let them know that God has not forsaken us in our age. Share your testimony of our living prophets.
The following questions are simply discussion responses to the questions that can help you gain understanding and possible approach to these questions.
“If you knew there was another book of Scripture written by the prophets that testifies of Jesus Christ would you read it?”
It seems logical that if the Savior Jesus Christ came down and visited a small group of people in Jerusalem that Heavenly Father would want Him to visit all His children so they can be taught the same principles as was done in the Bible. He did visit other people and these people recorded what He taught them in The Book of Mormon. Share a copy of The Book of Mormon. Always have an extra copy with you, along with your testimony written inside. You never know when you may have the opportunity to give a copy away, so be prepared.
“Do you believe your family can be together after death?”
If they care for their family, they will desire to be with them forever. Heavenly Father has provided a way that families can be together forever. Share some of the things you do to bring your family closer together. Invite them to a Family Home Evening. If the spirit prompts, tell them about temple marriage, and how you plan to be with your family forever. How do you get to know your children and spouse better? Do you have date nights? Monthly one-on-ones with your kids? Family game night? Family movie night? Whatever brings you closer as a family may help them as well.
“Would you like to be happier?”
Everyone could use a little more happiness. Happiness is the quest of our existence. When your children are happy you’re happy. When you’re doing what’s right you’re happy. Righteousness is part of happiness. Share what things make you happy. If so able, you could share a presentation about Man’s Search for Happiness. If the situation is right you could turn some scriptures from the Bible or The Book of Mormon and share some scriptures about obtaining happiness.
“Are you a seeker of the truth?”
If this is too pointed just ask them how they feel about something. Is it true? What is truth? You could tell them how you came to the knowledge of the truth. All done at the right time and the right way and the Spirit will direct you. If they say yes at anytime about wanting to know truth then bear your testimony of the things you know to be true. Ask them if they would like to understand more about life and what it’s all about. Many people are seeking the truth. Share a personal experience where the spirit whispered to you the truth of the gospel. Explain how they can find truth for themselves by reading The Book of Mormon and praying.
“Where do we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going?”
These are life’s greatest questions. Most people feel the same way you do regarding these questions. You look around and it seems no one knows the real purpose in life, and most people really desired to know the answers to these questions. Discuss these questions with them, and they will come to see that there is a great purpose in life. Talk about the plan of salvation. What steps does Heavenly Father want us to take to return to live with him?
“Should churches provide better programs for families and youths?”
It seems we all need more help in raising our family. In the statement “It takes a whole village to raise a child,” church could take the place of village. A church should be a place where we can learn to be a closer-knit family. It should be a place where we can be taught how to live with our heavenly father again. This is the key. Talk to them about the youth programs. Invite them to take their younger children to primary. Invite teens to weekly Young Men/Young Women activities. When positive answers are given you can follow up with some of the following answers.
You care about God, “I have this wonderful article you will love to read about God.”
You care about families, “ I would love to show you what our Church does to help families.”
You would like to read a book written by the prophets who testify of Christ, “I want to give you my favorite book, The Book of Mormon.
Remember these are just sample dialogues–adapt everything to your personality and mannerisms. This is resource material for our preparation not specific dialogues we follow. The important thing in the dialogue is to follow the Spirit. There is NO set way for everyone. When we are prepared, starting a gospel conversation will be easier. Listen to the prophets, know the answers to commonly asked questions, show love and compassion for our fellow man. These are the steps that will get us started and lead is to bringing others unto Christ. Each day will become easier as time goes on. The Lord will help us just be willing and He will do the rest.
What are friends of Other Faiths Usually Interested In?
It is all about satisfying their needs. Needs vary as much as the individual. In my book Change…the Essence of Becoming need was a dynamic force in change. Helping people where they are is not only important it is imperative. We cannot force a topic of conversation upon anyone until they “open the gate” to conversation. Their needs or being able to create a need is vital to the beginning of conversion. There is usually a “hot” button that will illicit a response to questions as we seek to understand their needs and interests. This was the very purpose of the questionnaire we used in the England London South Mission. We asked some of the questions as noted above. When the right question hit home a positive response was given and an opportunity to share the gospel was provided.
The most common questions that had an effect upon people was concerning happiness, family and their relationship to God. We surveyed several thousand a week and the results were consistent in these areas. So we learn from this that these topics would be the most likely to start a conversation. And then as the conversation ensues they begin to ask the questions and the opportunity to teach became the joyous conclusion of their asking questions for which the missionaries had the answers. When they ask the questions they are ready to learn. That is a key. Asking is the key to revelation from God. People who are ready to learn are ready to change. And everyone enjoys the blessings of happiness.